hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
