saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
