No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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