The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
