I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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