When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
