If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
