your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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