Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
