went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
