hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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