there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
