i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
