sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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