Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
