ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
