He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
