just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
