i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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