I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize