cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
