if you like me you must not know who I am
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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