so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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