your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
