two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
