Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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