I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
