Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
