She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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