just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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