Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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