Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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