Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
