I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
