margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
