just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
