it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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