Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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