I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
