Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
