drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
