After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
