More tranny stories later!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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