i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
