You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
