These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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