You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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