Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
