I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
