I cannot find my penis.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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