VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
