Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
