tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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