So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
