happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm always down for nudity.
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