When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
