He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
