I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
