.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
