I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The ass gains better be worth it
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