bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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