I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
