I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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