he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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