dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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