My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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