if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
