I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
