I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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