i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
