So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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