I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
