So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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