Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
