; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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