Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
