isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
